Top Ten Signs Your Starship Captain is a Drunkard10. When Spock mind probes him, Spock gets hammered.
9. Wakes up next to a Klingon chick at least once a week.
8. Starts the ship’s self-destruct sequence just to screw with the yeoman who blew him off in the officer’s lounge.
7. Each time you discover a new planet he tells Spock to scan the surface for cheap scotch and loose females.
6. The first thing he says when negotiating with Romulans is, “So, what’s the ale situation?”
5. McCoy tells him, “I’m a doctor, Jim, not a bartender!”
4. He keeps slipping down to the engineering room to “discuss ancient Scottish traditions” with Scotty.
3. Giggles every time Spock says they should launch a “deep space probe.”
2. Whenever a female yeoman brings him a clipboard he tries to open a tab.
1. Is willing to make beer runs into the neutral zone.
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Paul Kimball
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