Aliens or Celebrities - Who is More Real?

A Guest Column by Commander Zorgrot

A few news items that I noticed on AOL today should remind all of you Eathpeople that you don't really need we aliens to land on earth in order to see lifeforms that live in another world - that's what you have celebrities for!

Reading stuff like this, one can only marvel at those Earthpeople who think that having an interest in UFOs is weird.

Believe me, we ETs have nothing on these people in the weirdness department (and we don't crash our spaceships nearly as often as Lindsay Lohan crashes her car).

Zorgrot,
Commander

CHICAGO (KP International) - What do you do when you've got three dogs but would rather not have to clean up after them? If you're Oprah Winfrey, you leave the dirty work to someone else by hiring a doggy nanny. The 51-year-old multimedia icon last year adopted three golden retriever puppies - named Gracie, Luke and Layla - and was determined to take care of them on her own. But, according to Winfrey's best pal, Gayle King, too many sleepless nights spent attending to the three little handfuls' needs and one very messy evening during which the furry trio turned ill prompted a cranky Winfrey to seek out professional help.

LONDON (KP International) - When you pony up 3.5 million for a London mansion, it comes with everything you could possibly think of, including ghosts. Such, it seems, is the case with the Belsize Park estate purchased by Coldplay frontman Chris Martin and his Oscar-winning wife, Gwyneth Paltrow. So, Paltrow sought advice from her pal Madonna, who pointed the 33-year-old film star in the direction of the London Kabbalah Centre. On the recommendation of Centre officials, Paltrow and Martin plan to have their home exorcised of what they've deemed its "bad energy." Apparently, the process will involve 10 male Kabbalah followers who will read a series of psalms and then blow a ram's horn. Paltrow is rumoured to be expecting the couple's second child and there has been speculation that the mansion's unwelcome, otherworldly guests have caused her pregnancy to be a difficult one.

NEW YORK (KP International) - A bizarre and seemingly ludicrous website posting insinuates actress Katie Holmes, currently betrothed to superstar Tom Cruise and carrying his baby, could be the reincarnation of Scientology founder L. Ron Hubbard's gay son. According to "New York Post" scribes Richard Johnson and Philip Recchia, the site is accessible only to individuals who have relinquished their connection to the Church of Scientology.The strange proposition might have been posted by current Scientologists, the theory being that if the odd story spread it would discredit those who have left the fold. Scientologists accept that after death believers are "born again into the flesh of another body." Quentin Hubbard died in Las Vegas in 1976 under mysterious circumstances. (Holmes was born in 1978). The 22-year-old Quentin was discovered in a coma inside a car with its engine running.