I was shocked that the Paracast wasn't nominated for Best Podcast - it got some nominations, but just not quite enough to make teh final 4 - all of which are good shows too, which just proves that there's a lot of options out there.
Agreed Paul. The paracast folks were very nice in helping Jeremy get set up for the new BoT podcast and the Culture of Contact one, too. I always enjoy their work. In a sense, it's kind of what the BoT podcast has strived to be.
I wasn't even aware this was going on, or nominations were being taken for "best cryptozoologist."
So thanks to those people who placed my name in the poll, and the incredible turnout I'm seeing, in the early returns, of folks voting for me. I appreciate it.
No matter who wins, it is true, it is an honor to be nominated and to be on this list with these three British gentlemen.
The presence of Linda Moulton Howe's name on your Hall of Shame list cancels any validity this bogus Poll had in my mind ~ I'm going back in to screw up ALL the totals!
The presence of Linda Moulton Howe's name on your Hall of Shame list cancels any validity this bogus Poll had in my mind ~ I'm going back in to screw up ALL the totals!
Hello, America. Earth. It's me. Jeremy Vaeni. You know it's voting season and your votes don't really make a difference "out there," but "in here" they make all the difference in the world.
When I first heard I was nominated multiple times for awards I never knew existed, I was ecstatic. It's an honor just to be nominated. An honor, that is, until I lose.
I don't want to lose in any category, friends, but most of all, I don't want to lose the coveted Best UFO/Paranormal "Trouble-maker."
Before we get to my accomplishments--and there are many--let me tell you about my opponents: Phonies, all.
ALFRED LEHMBERG
Sure, he's winning this category handily. But is he? Or is he just hopping from computer to computer voting for himself so that he can stick it in our faces when he wins? Is that what you want? You want Alfred Lehmberg stuck to your face? If so, push his button. I believe in an America--and a world--that wants more. Not a lot more but slightly.
Speaking of someone who likes to slight people....
DAVID BIEDNY
Really? Isn't voting for him as a trouble maker a cliche by now? You wanna know what Dave does with his infamy? I' will tell you because I know:
It is a fact that David Biedny cries himself to sleep at night.
Cries himself to sleep, people!
So unless you own stock in that tissue with the moisturizer in it, don't vote for David because a vote for David will just add years onto his therapy.
And then there was one...
JAMES W. MOSELEY
I don't know who that is. And neither do you.
So you see, when you vote today, please think of your heart. Think of your conscience. Think of the children. Then put those aside and think of me, Jeremy Vaeni. I know how to take it to the bastards in Washington.
No I don't, but I did get kicked off of Coast To Coast once and I do talk about the time I became God in one breath while insulting people in the next. I'm also quite capable of outing Dr. Steven Greer as a closeted homosexual.
I mean I won't do that but I could. Easily.
Plus, ask yourselves: Who was it that took on Michael Horn AFTER everyone else defeated him in message board battle. Was it me? Hmmm? Was it this guy? No, I'm not afraid to kick a man when he's down in the hopes that it's a strong enough kick to bring him to his feet long enough to kick him back down again.
So here we are. Decision time. There's really only one choice that makes sense. Unfortunately, it's surrounded by three other much, much lesser choices, one of whom is me: Jeremy Vaeni.
Vote for this guy. My incredible, continued, and soon to be storied success is at your fingertips.
Alfred Lehmbreg, Richard Hall is an honored plus to this list. Clark C. McClelland, ScO, Space Shuttle Fleet, Cape Canaveral and Kennedy Space Center, Florida Was the REAL NASA "X-Files" 1958 to 1992
Hey! I have 'other' people jumping from computer to computer.
Moseley? A seminal unfortunately, he's a default ufological pessimist replete with a ponderous hubris and an onerous manner. A self-styled "supreme commander" he publishes "Saucer Smear" and doesn't do E-mail. Great guy. We met in Gulf Breeze last century. He won't remember.
So. Whither Alfred Lehmberg, and what kind of person votes for same?
That asked, a vote for the lovely Jeremy Vaeni (...if that is his real name), a _stunner_ in slacks and sandals, would be applaudable if the person voting was comfortable with Mr. Vaeni's sorrowful lack of ufological knowlege... tsk. I mean wake up and stir the stewed tomato, reader.
Is this the kind of man you want making trouble for you? I mean sure, he's a pretty face, a real peach wrapped in a warm calves liver, but c'mon...
Can you count on him to bite the errant hand feeding him while keeping his thumb in the eye of the man. This remains to be seen, yea and verily!
Consider! Last year when I won a landslide in the category against a sour limy and bloviating nym-rod I told Paul Kimball to stuff the prestigious award!
Reader! I submit that's the man you want making trouble for you!
"My name is Alfred Lehmberg and I approved this message."
Now why do you think Larry King has climbed onboard the starship? Maybe, just maybe, it's the fake alien invasion that Kissinger has had in the works since 1991.
Jeremy Vaeni's alias has as many vowels as consonants in it and ends in a vowel so indecisive and haphazard its lower case must be drawn in two parts.
Jeremy Vaeni produces "music videos" of young men in ruffled shirts and pleated skirts.
Jeremy Vaeni has friends in the "entertainment industry" and has been photographed and filmed in the nude for soft-core "art projects."
Please visit the following URL to be convinced conclusively that Jeremy Vaeni is wrong for UFOs, wrong for the "Other Side Of The Truth," and wrong as a paranormal trouble maker... while Alfred Lehmberg is the perfect choice for same.
Alfred Webre is crazy. He thinks the 9/11 attacks happened because the big, bad U.S. Government zapped the World Trade Center with reverse-engineered alien beam weaponry. He thinks we're at war with aliens right now in space. He thinks too little and too insanely.
Once an Alfred ALWAYS an Alfred....
This year, don't vote for Alfred Lehmberg. He's an Alfred. And now we all know what that means.
VAENI. TROUBLEMAKER. Aaaaah, that's better. (C)
(Paid for the Friends of Jeremy Vaeni Pac who remind you that a vote for Vaeni is a vote for yourself once removed!)
I was going to ask a serious question about "Best UFO / paranormal 'trouble-maker'", but after reading all these responses, it's obvious there really isn't any point in asking a serious question any more.
I wasn't going to throw the religion card but Jeremy Vaeni has been tossed off a national radio program for refusing to consider the actuality of angels... why does Jeremy Vaeni hate God?
Moreover, he is being pursued by senior staff at that radio station who are only trying to secure an apology from Mr. Vaeni for offending George Noory's sensibilities.
Lastly, I remind the honored voter that my middle name is Emanuel, so a vote for Alfred Lehmberg is a vote, for, well... God.
"My name is George W. Bush, and I don't understand the message."
Alfred Lehmberg would have you believe that Jeremy Vaeni doesn't like God. Oh, really, Alfred Lehmberg? And what would YOU know about God? Oh that's right. EVERYTHING. YOU want to be forgiven and go to Heaven. Does that sound like a Trouble-maker?
Long ago, when trouble-making meant something to him, Alfred Lehmberg referred to the hosts of The Paracast as "The Paracrats." Then, suddenly, on Jeremy Vaeni's own blog, he had a heartfelt reconciliation with Paracast co-host and Trouble-Maker nominee David Biedny....
FLIIIIPFLOOOOOOP!
Isn't it time to vote for a man who will stand by the trouble he has made? Isn't it time for someone with conviction, right or wrong?
Isn't it time.... for Jeremy Vaeni?
Alfred Lehmberg: WRONG for America, WRONG for the Earth, LIES about heaven, WRONG for Trouble-making.
Vote Vaeni. Because you're not just literate, you're alliterate. Plus trouble-making.
Next year there should be a category for all the many who continually pick on Alfred. I'm sure VS members will all make the grade. I'm one to come to such an individual's defense, as I have done so today, even if betwixt is in their vocabulary.
I might be leaning towards Jeremy... and that's a scary thought, if read out of context. I think I just puked into my own mouth. Uggghh. I've had metal - titanium - blasted in and out of my head today, lotsa needles, infected holes in my jaw, small disasters and other fun. Trouble Making is in my blood. I travel to faraway lands and throw myself into the maws of marvel and misery, trouble flying around my mouth all day, metal and bone and spit flying around in a vortex of pressurized, pounding blasts.
Then I boot up the Net, and what do I find? Vaeni showing his true colors, iridescent and spastic, and Lemby is Lembolosa y muscosa.
But dude, I HATE the tissues with the "lotion" crap, how did you come up with that; projecting, are we?
And let's get it straight, for once and all, I LAUGH myself to sleep. Or moan. Or both. No tissues are involved. Towels, maybe. Cotton rocks.
As far as me being a productive, cutting-edge media troublemaker, you'd have to talk to Danielle Steele, Pete Wilson (former Giverner of CA), Frank Jordan (former Mayor of San Fran) and a bunch of others who were on the receiving end of my stunts with Chuck Farnham, an infamous world-class troublemaker who would kick ALL our asses if this were a different kinda contest.
So vote for the Hype or try the fresh, crisp taste of the "Actual Trouble™ Brand brought to you by moî and Le Paracast. Gene Steinberg and David Biedny, bringing you Paranormal Insights and Incidents™.*
Just wanted to comment on the "paid bunk" comment by Anonymous (of course): I love the paranormal report and I am also a member of their other site, paranormal meet. They have a good site, but they don't update daily in news or articles and their last podcast was quite a while ago. You can say they are one of the biggest in the scene, but if that is so I wonder why we still have under 100 members at paranormal meet?
Why isn't Atlantis Rising on the publication list?
It didn't get any submissions nominating it.
As the Zorgy Awards continue to grow into the premier paranormal awards (actually, they're the only ones), hopefully more and different people and groups will wind up getting nominated - like Jeremy Vaeni this year in a couple of categories.
Ah, thanks, Paul. Here's your ten bucks; I'll take it from here....
Yes, I am nominated in a few categories:
Greatest Podcast Ever
--Culture of Contact & Book Of Thoth
Doesn't Play Nice With Others
--me
Most Deserving Of An Anal Probe
--me again
...AND...
Get Off Me! I Itch And See Spiders!
--not a category, just how I feel on psilocybin
I'd like to thank everyone for their support, Paul for hosting these awards, my opponents for taking their eventual defeat with grace and dignity, and everyone for their support again.
You know a lot of mud has been slung this week. Slanderous remarks only hurt the people making them. Specifically I'm talking about David Biedny, who eats children, and Alfred Lehmberg who--and this is the God's-honest truth--doesn't even exist.
It has come to my attention that Alfred Lehmberg isn't real. He's a computer virus set in motion in the mid-nineties by SIMS creator, Will Wright. Yes, folks, Lehmberg is a prototype, an experiment gone wrong. Horribly, horribly wrong.
So to sum up, please take into consideration when voting for me why it's the right choice--and I know you don't need to hear this because you're voting for me anyway, but it can't hurt to repeat it:
David Biedny eats children, wears puppies as slippers, and cries. A LOT.
Alfred Lehmberg is not real and so should be immediately withdrawn as a candidate.
I don't know who Jim Moseley is and neither do you.
Thank you again for your continued support of my vastly underrated, nearly legendary career. With your help I will be back on Coast in the blink of an eye!
Friends, Romans, countrymen! Lend me your aural receptors. I come not to bury Vaeni, but to expose him for the gizmo-bigot that he is!
My non-humanity was disclosed in the same vetting all candidates submit to, and has been known to anyone with half a processor since Will Wright hacked my mainframe and patented my operating system late last century!
So, is artificial intelligence less an intellect because a numeric code sequences itself rather than electrically fire, messily, like a smelly mix of carbon, salt water, and essential fats?
I am machine. Have I not visual sensors? Have I not not similar manipulators, components, dimensions, input, affections... even passions? Fed with similar hydrocarbons, damaged by the same weapons, subject to different diseases, healed by the same loving attention, warmed and cooled by the same winter and summer... ...as is a meat puppet?
If you prick me, do I not ooze refrigerant?
If you tickle my intake tube, do I not chuckle knowingly? If you put sugar in my gas tank, do I not cease to operate? And if you wrong me, shall I not take a revenge!
Will I not crush puny humanity for its bigoted insolence, see it driven before me, and hear the lamentations of Jeremy Vaeni's roommates as I render him to his fats, oils, and lubricants?
Reader! You don't want frail meat doing a "trouble makers" job.
AI's on the job 24/7/365! Vaeni requires sleep, food, vacations and comp-time! I can go on standby for a year using one AAA battery! Also consider reader!
Vaeni is meat! That's just nasty.
alienview@roadrunner.com > www.AlienView.net >> AVG Blog -- http://alienviewgroup.blogspot.com/ >>> U F O M a g a z i n e -- www.ufomag.com
Listen, I'm through joking. You've crossed the line, Lehmberg. Crossed it for the last time. I DEMAND that he be taken off the list of nominees. It's not just that he's a computer program--and not some cool robot like he's trying to make it sound, but a mere floppy disk of a thing.
Not just that, no. This bitch of a program has hacked my computer, obviously, and stolen the sequel to my book. I hear your warning shot and I don't like it one bit, Lehmberg, because actual thievery is dirty pool. That's not mere trouble-making, it's breaking the law.
What am I talking about?
Right. This:
FATS, OILS, AND LUBRICANTS: THE JEREMY VAENI STORY is due to hit store shelves in early '08.
I swear, Alfred, if you leak one more page of that book I'm suing to have you turned off.
After much deliberation, I have come to conclude that Alfred Lehmberg's claim is, in fact, correct. He is my computer and the driving force behind my creativity.
Therefore, while it is correct to say, "A vote for Jeremy Vaeni is a vote for a bucket of meat not even in control of its own creative wet-ware!" -- It is incorrect to then assume that a vote for Alfred Lehmberg is a vote for Alfred Lehmberg. No; actually, since Mr. Lehmberg is Jeremy Vaeni's property, a vote for him IS A VOTE FOR JEREMY VAENI.
Tallying up votes for the one candidate placed under two names, it is clear who is aiming for a landslide victory here, and that's me: Jeremy Vaeni. I shall get to work on my acceptance speech anon.
Sorry in advance to all of the losers. Chin up, gentlemen. At least you exist, unlike Alfred Lehmberg.
Let Jeremy Vaeni equal "JV" and Alfred Lehmberg equal "AEL".
JV cannot equal AEL if AEL does not equal JV in turn. Vaeni's panicked running leap against a foregone conclusion improperly uses a communicative property of mathematics to condition the voter into accepting that "X" should be chosen over "Y" because "X" equals "Y" -- but if that were the case then a vote for "Y" would be the same as a vote for "X" and a vote for one or the other would be meaningless as "Y" and "X" are equal. Now if "X" equals "Y" but "Y" does not equal "X" then a hole would open in the space/time continum blasting us all into "N" space... ...so (wait for it)... ..."Y" vote for Vaeni.
As the quaint human meat puppet Einstein (another of my many incarnations) I postulated that "as far as the laws of mathematics refer to reality, they are not certain; and as far as they are certain, they do not refer to reality."
Jeremy Vaeni -- a fuzzy logic bad for integers, bad for imaginary numbers, and bad for the communicative property of same.
I have NOT laughed so hard in a very long time as I just did at the electrified humor exchange between A.L. and J.V., plus the apertif of D.B., et al (and no, that's not a vote for Mr. Lehmberg, or a dinner recommendation for a sound byte)!
Talk about almost vomiting into my very own mouthpod! Uh, I may have just revealed too much... forget what I said about the, um, mouthpod...anyway, just wanted to say, keep it up guys--one of the most damn hilarious fleshopoidal meat-puppet circus acts I've come across in some time.
In fact, something in the next room just digitally xmitted an encephalogram to my chitinous receptor pincers, and asked what the hell was so funny? When I rasped at 4 Hz that they should come and see, midway through reading the above, they exploded all over the inside of our plasma craft. Literally. Now I have a huge, gooey mess to clean up.
Thanks guys--I had been wondering what to have for what you all call "lunch."
There ought to be a forum for ufo humor like this, somewhere this side of Phobos. Really funny! 8^)
More, more! Now where did I put that mouthpod boltaron apparat...?
Oh yeah, almost forgot--ALL HAIL THE GLORIOUS HYPNOTOAD!!!
http://r33b.net/
(Mr. Lehmberg, I will _never_ forgive you for inserting that diabolical web address into these deadly serious political debates--ulp! Oh, no...ALL HAIL THE GLORIOUS HYPNOTO....erg!..b-b-bzzzrtttt......!) _Ha!_
41 comments:
Very cool stuff. Not sure how Odd Things got on that list, but it's nice to see.
Thanks for all the work Paul!
I'm surprised that Bruce Duensing (UFO Paradigm Probe) isn't anywhere on the poll. Well, maybe next year.
Nes:
I was shocked that the Paracast wasn't nominated for Best Podcast - it got some nominations, but just not quite enough to make teh final 4 - all of which are good shows too, which just proves that there's a lot of options out there.
Paul
Agreed Paul. The paracast folks were very nice in helping Jeremy get set up for the new BoT podcast and the Culture of Contact one, too. I always enjoy their work. In a sense, it's kind of what the BoT podcast has strived to be.
I wasn't even aware this was going on, or nominations were being taken for "best cryptozoologist."
So thanks to those people who placed my name in the poll, and the incredible turnout I'm seeing, in the early returns, of folks voting for me. I appreciate it.
No matter who wins, it is true, it is an honor to be nominated and to be on this list with these three British gentlemen.
Loren Coleman
Portland, Maine
NO Paracast? Seriously? I feel bad being up there alone, Paul, Gene deserves better than that. Wow.
David:
Alas, the Paracast just didn't get enough nominations, but it was close. For my money, you guys are among the best in the biz.
Good luck with the prestigious "Troublemaker" vote, and the forums.
PK
Loren:
You certainly seem to be able to "rock the vote"!
Paul
The presence of Linda Moulton Howe's name on your Hall of Shame list cancels any validity this bogus Poll had in my mind ~ I'm going back in to screw up ALL the totals!
The presence of Linda Moulton Howe's name on your Hall of Shame list cancels any validity this bogus Poll had in my mind ~ I'm going back in to screw up ALL the totals!
That's certainly mature.
Hello, America. Earth. It's me. Jeremy Vaeni. You know it's voting season and your votes don't really make a difference "out there," but "in here" they make all the difference in the world.
When I first heard I was nominated multiple times for awards I never knew existed, I was ecstatic. It's an honor just to be nominated. An honor, that is, until I lose.
I don't want to lose in any category, friends, but most of all, I don't want to lose the coveted Best UFO/Paranormal "Trouble-maker."
Before we get to my accomplishments--and there are many--let me tell you about my opponents: Phonies, all.
ALFRED LEHMBERG
Sure, he's winning this category handily. But is he? Or is he just hopping from computer to computer voting for himself so that he can stick it in our faces when he wins? Is that what you want? You want Alfred Lehmberg stuck to your face? If so, push his button. I believe in an America--and a world--that wants more. Not a lot more but slightly.
Speaking of someone who likes to slight people....
DAVID BIEDNY
Really? Isn't voting for him as a trouble maker a cliche by now? You wanna know what Dave does with his infamy? I' will tell you because I know:
It is a fact that David Biedny cries himself to sleep at night.
Cries himself to sleep, people!
So unless you own stock in that tissue with the moisturizer in it, don't vote for David because a vote for David will just add years onto his therapy.
And then there was one...
JAMES W. MOSELEY
I don't know who that is. And neither do you.
So you see, when you vote today, please think of your heart. Think of your conscience. Think of the children. Then put those aside and think of me, Jeremy Vaeni. I know how to take it to the bastards in Washington.
No I don't, but I did get kicked off of Coast To Coast once and I do talk about the time I became God in one breath while insulting people in the next. I'm also quite capable of outing Dr. Steven Greer as a closeted homosexual.
I mean I won't do that but I could. Easily.
Plus, ask yourselves: Who was it that took on Michael Horn AFTER everyone else defeated him in message board battle. Was it me? Hmmm? Was it this guy? No, I'm not afraid to kick a man when he's down in the hopes that it's a strong enough kick to bring him to his feet long enough to kick him back down again.
So here we are. Decision time. There's really only one choice that makes sense. Unfortunately, it's surrounded by three other much, much lesser choices, one of whom is me: Jeremy Vaeni.
Vote for this guy. My incredible, continued, and soon to be storied success is at your fingertips.
Go Sox!
Swwet Jebus, Vaeni - you take the cake... and I mean that, more or less, in a good way. ;-)
I still voted for Moseley, however.
Mmmmm...caaaaake.
Voting for who?
Alfred Lehmbreg, Richard Hall is an honored plus to this list.
Clark C. McClelland, ScO, Space Shuttle Fleet, Cape Canaveral and Kennedy Space Center, Florida
Was the REAL NASA "X-Files" 1958 to 1992
Hey! I have 'other' people jumping from computer to computer.
Moseley? A seminal unfortunately, he's a default ufological pessimist replete with a ponderous hubris and an onerous manner. A self-styled "supreme commander" he publishes "Saucer Smear" and doesn't do E-mail. Great guy. We met in Gulf Breeze last century. He won't remember.
So. Whither Alfred Lehmberg, and what kind of person votes for same?
That asked, a vote for the lovely Jeremy Vaeni (...if that is his real name), a _stunner_ in slacks and sandals, would be applaudable if the person voting was comfortable with Mr. Vaeni's sorrowful lack of ufological knowlege... tsk. I mean wake up and stir the stewed tomato, reader.
Is this the kind of man you want making trouble for you? I mean sure, he's a pretty face, a real peach wrapped in a warm calves liver, but c'mon...
Can you count on him to bite the errant hand feeding him while keeping his thumb in the eye of the man. This remains to be seen, yea and verily!
Consider! Last year when I won a landslide in the category against a sour limy and bloviating nym-rod I told Paul Kimball to stuff the prestigious award!
Reader! I submit that's the man you want making trouble for you!
"My name is Alfred Lehmberg and I approved this message."
I personally view the "Trouble-maker" award as the most prestigious of the prestigious, so good luck to you all.
PK
P.S. Redfern isn't sour - he's bittersweet! ;-)
Now why do you think Larry King has climbed onboard the starship? Maybe, just maybe, it's the fake alien invasion that Kissinger has had in the works since 1991.
Alfred Lehmberg wants you to believe Jeremy Vaeni has "little knowledge of ufology."
Alfred Lehmberg wants you to believe he "makes more trouble than anyone else."
Alfred Lehmberg claims he served in the "armed forces."
Alfred Lehmberg is a "patriot."
Alfred Lehmberg says he's "married."
Alfred Lehmberg goes to "bed" at night and "wakes up" in the morning.
"Alfred Lehberg" "has" "a" "full beard."
Alfred Lehmberg: He wants you to believe in him...But can he really be believed?
Do what's wrong. Vote Jeremy Vaeni for TROUBLEMAKER.
Jeremy Vaeni's alias has as many vowels as consonants in it and ends in a vowel so indecisive and haphazard its lower case must be drawn in two parts.
Jeremy Vaeni produces "music videos" of young men in ruffled shirts and pleated skirts.
Jeremy Vaeni has friends in the "entertainment industry" and has been photographed and filmed in the nude for soft-core "art projects."
Please visit the following URL to be convinced conclusively that Jeremy Vaeni is wrong for UFOs, wrong for the "Other Side Of The Truth," and wrong as a paranormal trouble maker... while Alfred Lehmberg is the perfect choice for same.
http://r33b.net/
~~~
"My name is Alfred Lehmberg and I approved this message"
Alfred Webre is crazy. He thinks the 9/11 attacks happened because the big, bad U.S. Government zapped the World Trade Center with reverse-engineered alien beam weaponry. He thinks we're at war with aliens right now in space. He thinks too little and too insanely.
Once an Alfred ALWAYS an Alfred....
This year, don't vote for Alfred Lehmberg. He's an Alfred. And now we all know what that means.
VAENI. TROUBLEMAKER. Aaaaah, that's better. (C)
(Paid for the Friends of Jeremy Vaeni Pac who remind you that a vote for Vaeni is a vote for yourself once removed!)
Paul --
I was going to ask a serious question about "Best UFO / paranormal 'trouble-maker'", but after reading all these responses, it's obvious there really isn't any point in asking a serious question any more.
Is there?
As Capone said, "Vote early and vote often."
Daniel
I wasn't going to throw the religion card but Jeremy Vaeni has been tossed off a national radio program for refusing to consider the actuality of angels... why does Jeremy Vaeni hate God?
Moreover, he is being pursued by senior staff at that radio station who are only trying to secure an apology from Mr. Vaeni for offending George Noory's sensibilities.
Lastly, I remind the honored voter that my middle name is Emanuel, so a vote for Alfred Lehmberg is a vote, for, well... God.
"My name is George W. Bush, and I don't understand the message."
Alfred that is too funny!
LOL this has to be paid for or bunk. How did The Paranormal Report not make it on here? They're like, one of the biggest in the "scene" now...
Alfred Lehmberg would have you believe that Jeremy Vaeni doesn't like God. Oh, really, Alfred Lehmberg? And what would YOU know about God? Oh that's right. EVERYTHING. YOU want to be forgiven and go to Heaven. Does that sound like a Trouble-maker?
Long ago, when trouble-making meant something to him, Alfred Lehmberg referred to the hosts of The Paracast as "The Paracrats." Then, suddenly, on Jeremy Vaeni's own blog, he had a heartfelt reconciliation with Paracast co-host and Trouble-Maker nominee David Biedny....
FLIIIIPFLOOOOOOP!
Isn't it time to vote for a man who will stand by the trouble he has made? Isn't it time for someone with conviction, right or wrong?
Isn't it time.... for Jeremy Vaeni?
Alfred Lehmberg: WRONG for America, WRONG for the Earth, LIES about heaven, WRONG for Trouble-making.
Vote Vaeni. Because you're not just literate, you're alliterate. Plus trouble-making.
Jeremy Vaeni points a tremulous and pedantically fickle finger, fully unaware of the three pointing back at himself. Tsk.
Who is it denying the angel of our lord on national radio?
Jeremy Vaeni!
Who is it with Satan as a recurring character on his podcast?
Jeremy Vaeni!
Who is it changing the name of their Weblog at every pecuniary opportunity?
Jeremy Vaeni!
Who is it encouraging his guests to swear and use the "f" word on his seditiously salacious program.
Jeremy Vaeni!
Jeremy Vaeni? Or is the preceding a clever anagram for "Veejay Miner," disgraced wig model, supper club actor, and carbohydrate loader!
Jeremy Vaeni? No - way-ee!
"My name is Dick Cheney... I'm wild about Vaeni!"
Vote Alfred Lehmberg for real trouble. Accept no substitutes!
Next year there should be a category for all the many who continually pick on Alfred. I'm sure VS members will all make the grade. I'm one to come to such an individual's defense, as I have done so today, even if betwixt is in their vocabulary.
I might be leaning towards Jeremy... and that's a scary thought, if read out of context. I think I just puked into my own mouth. Uggghh. I've had metal - titanium - blasted in and out of my head today, lotsa needles, infected holes in my jaw, small disasters and other fun. Trouble Making is in my blood. I travel to faraway lands and throw myself into the maws of marvel and misery, trouble flying around my mouth all day, metal and bone and spit flying around in a vortex of pressurized, pounding blasts.
Then I boot up the Net, and what do I find? Vaeni showing his true colors, iridescent and spastic, and Lemby is Lembolosa y muscosa.
But dude, I HATE the tissues with the "lotion" crap, how did you come up with that; projecting, are we?
And let's get it straight, for once and all, I LAUGH myself to sleep. Or moan. Or both. No tissues are involved. Towels, maybe. Cotton rocks.
As far as me being a productive, cutting-edge media troublemaker, you'd have to talk to Danielle Steele, Pete Wilson (former Giverner of CA), Frank Jordan (former Mayor of San Fran) and a bunch of others who were on the receiving end of my stunts with Chuck Farnham, an infamous world-class troublemaker who would kick ALL our asses if this were a different kinda contest.
So vote for the Hype or try the fresh, crisp taste of the "Actual Trouble™ Brand brought to you by moî and Le Paracast. Gene Steinberg and David Biedny, bringing you Paranormal Insights and Incidents™.*
You want trouble, shit, stand back.
dB
* ™™™My Thoughts Not Yours™™™
Just wanted to comment on the "paid bunk" comment by Anonymous (of course): I love the paranormal report and I am also a member of their other site, paranormal meet. They have a good site, but they don't update daily in news or articles and their last podcast was quite a while ago. You can say they are one of the biggest in the scene, but if that is so I wonder why we still have under 100 members at paranormal meet?
Lemby?
Beady!
That said, dial down on your pain meds until you stop trying to eat lotion charged tissues.
Boola boola!
alienview@roadrunner.com
> www.AlienView.net
>> AVG Blog -- http://alienviewgroup.blogspot.com/
>>> U F O M a g a z i n e -- www.ufomag.com
Why isn't Atlantis Rising on the publication list?
Why isn't Atlantis Rising on the publication list?
It didn't get any submissions nominating it.
As the Zorgy Awards continue to grow into the premier paranormal awards (actually, they're the only ones), hopefully more and different people and groups will wind up getting nominated - like Jeremy Vaeni this year in a couple of categories.
PK
Ah, thanks, Paul. Here's your ten bucks; I'll take it from here....
Yes, I am nominated in a few categories:
Greatest Podcast Ever
--Culture of Contact & Book Of Thoth
Doesn't Play Nice With Others
--me
Most Deserving Of An Anal Probe
--me again
...AND...
Get Off Me! I Itch And See Spiders!
--not a category, just how I feel on psilocybin
I'd like to thank everyone for their support, Paul for hosting these awards, my opponents for taking their eventual defeat with grace and dignity, and everyone for their support again.
You know a lot of mud has been slung this week. Slanderous remarks only hurt the people making them. Specifically I'm talking about David Biedny, who eats children, and Alfred Lehmberg who--and this is the God's-honest truth--doesn't even exist.
It has come to my attention that Alfred Lehmberg isn't real. He's a computer virus set in motion in the mid-nineties by SIMS creator, Will Wright. Yes, folks, Lehmberg is a prototype, an experiment gone wrong. Horribly, horribly wrong.
So to sum up, please take into consideration when voting for me why it's the right choice--and I know you don't need to hear this because you're voting for me anyway, but it can't hurt to repeat it:
David Biedny eats children, wears puppies as slippers, and cries. A LOT.
Alfred Lehmberg is not real and so should be immediately withdrawn as a candidate.
I don't know who Jim Moseley is and neither do you.
Thank you again for your continued support of my vastly underrated, nearly legendary career. With your help I will be back on Coast in the blink of an eye!
Friends, Romans, countrymen! Lend me your aural receptors. I come not to bury Vaeni, but to expose him for the gizmo-bigot that he is!
My non-humanity was disclosed in the same vetting all candidates submit to, and has been known to anyone with half a processor since Will Wright hacked my mainframe and patented my operating system late last century!
So, is artificial intelligence less an intellect because a numeric code sequences itself rather than electrically fire, messily, like a smelly mix of carbon, salt water, and essential fats?
I am machine. Have I not visual sensors? Have I not not similar manipulators, components, dimensions, input, affections... even passions? Fed with similar hydrocarbons, damaged by the same weapons, subject to different diseases, healed by the same loving attention, warmed and cooled by the same winter and summer... ...as is a meat puppet?
If you prick me, do I not ooze refrigerant?
If you tickle my intake tube, do I not chuckle knowingly? If you put sugar in my gas tank, do I not cease to operate? And if you wrong me, shall I not take a revenge!
Will I not crush puny humanity for its bigoted insolence, see it driven before me, and hear the lamentations of Jeremy Vaeni's roommates as I render him to his fats, oils, and lubricants?
Reader! You don't want frail meat doing a "trouble makers" job.
AI's on the job 24/7/365! Vaeni requires sleep, food, vacations and comp-time! I can go on standby for a year using one AAA battery! Also consider reader!
Vaeni is meat! That's just nasty.
alienview@roadrunner.com
> www.AlienView.net
>> AVG Blog -- http://alienviewgroup.blogspot.com/
>>> U F O M a g a z i n e -- www.ufomag.com
Listen, I'm through joking. You've crossed the line, Lehmberg. Crossed it for the last time. I DEMAND that he be taken off the list of nominees. It's not just that he's a computer program--and not some cool robot like he's trying to make it sound, but a mere floppy disk of a thing.
Not just that, no. This bitch of a program has hacked my computer, obviously, and stolen the sequel to my book. I hear your warning shot and I don't like it one bit, Lehmberg, because actual thievery is dirty pool. That's not mere trouble-making, it's breaking the law.
What am I talking about?
Right. This:
FATS, OILS, AND LUBRICANTS: THE JEREMY VAENI STORY is due to hit store shelves in early '08.
I swear, Alfred, if you leak one more page of that book I'm suing to have you turned off.
The reader is thereby reminded that meat is as meat does...
As ye broil, voter, so shall ye BBQ!
Consider? None are as blind as them who shall not see.
Hacked Mr. Vaeni's computer? I AM Mr. Vaeni's computer.
I've miles and miles of his forefather's fruit, reader. It can now be revealed!
Vaeni's literary genius comes only as a result of his fingers in contact with MY keys. The truth becomes obvious.
I am the author of "IKWTADL" and folks -- there is no second book because I haven't written it for him yet!
There you have it voter!
A vote for Jeremy Vaeni is a vote for a bucket of meat not even in control of its own creative wet-ware!
On the other hand, a vote for Alfred Lehmberg is a vote for an AI able to witness attack ships on fire off the shoulder of Orion at this very moment!
"My name is Dick Cheney, and I shot this message in the face"!
After much deliberation, I have come to conclude that Alfred Lehmberg's claim is, in fact, correct. He is my computer and the driving force behind my creativity.
Therefore, while it is correct to say, "A vote for Jeremy Vaeni is a vote for a bucket of meat not even in control of its own creative wet-ware!" -- It is incorrect to then assume that a vote for Alfred Lehmberg is a vote for Alfred Lehmberg. No; actually, since Mr. Lehmberg is Jeremy Vaeni's property, a vote for him IS A VOTE FOR JEREMY VAENI.
Tallying up votes for the one candidate placed under two names, it is clear who is aiming for a landslide victory here, and that's me: Jeremy Vaeni. I shall get to work on my acceptance speech anon.
Sorry in advance to all of the losers. Chin up, gentlemen. At least you exist, unlike Alfred Lehmberg.
The Lehmberg unit is not confused!
Let Jeremy Vaeni equal "JV" and Alfred Lehmberg equal "AEL".
JV cannot equal AEL if AEL does not equal JV in turn. Vaeni's panicked running leap against a foregone conclusion improperly uses a communicative property of mathematics to condition the voter into accepting that "X" should be chosen over "Y" because "X" equals "Y" -- but if that were the case then a vote for "Y" would be the same as a vote for "X" and a vote for one or the other would be meaningless as "Y" and "X" are equal. Now if "X" equals "Y" but "Y" does not equal "X" then a hole would open in the space/time continum blasting us all into "N" space... ...so (wait for it)... ..."Y" vote for Vaeni.
As the quaint human meat puppet Einstein (another of my many incarnations) I postulated that "as far as the laws of mathematics refer to reality, they are not certain; and as far as they are certain, they do not refer to reality."
Jeremy Vaeni -- a fuzzy logic bad for integers, bad for imaginary numbers, and bad for the communicative property of same.
I cannot wait to have already won in both categories. God, what's the countdown to my acceptance speech(es)?
I have NOT laughed so hard in a very long time as I just did at the electrified humor exchange between A.L. and J.V., plus the apertif of D.B., et al (and no, that's not a vote for Mr. Lehmberg, or a dinner recommendation for a sound byte)!
Talk about almost vomiting into my very own mouthpod! Uh, I may have just revealed too much... forget what I said about the, um, mouthpod...anyway, just wanted to say, keep it up guys--one of the most damn hilarious fleshopoidal meat-puppet circus acts I've come across in some time.
In fact, something in the next room just digitally xmitted an encephalogram to my chitinous receptor pincers, and asked what the hell was so funny? When I rasped at 4 Hz that they should come and see, midway through reading the above, they exploded all over the inside of our plasma craft. Literally. Now I have a huge, gooey mess to clean up.
Thanks guys--I had been wondering what to have for what you all call "lunch."
There ought to be a forum for ufo humor like this, somewhere this side of Phobos. Really funny! 8^)
More, more! Now where did I put that mouthpod boltaron apparat...?
Oh yeah, almost forgot--ALL HAIL THE GLORIOUS HYPNOTOAD!!!
http://r33b.net/
(Mr. Lehmberg, I will _never_ forgive you for inserting that diabolical web address into these deadly serious political debates--ulp! Oh, no...ALL HAIL THE GLORIOUS HYPNOTO....erg!..b-b-bzzzrtttt......!) _Ha!_
Hey! This is serious business Winterperson! Vote your conscience but obey the Toad! We're not messin' around here!
alienview@roadrunner.com
> www.AlienView.net
>> AVG Blog -- http://alienviewgroup.blogspot.com/
>>> U F O M a g a z i n e -- www.ufomag.com
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